Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
