We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
