Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
