i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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