Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
