is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
