Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
