I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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