Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
