Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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