btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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