why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
