and you said cock pushups were impossible
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There r osticjed everywhere
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
