dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
