Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
