god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
