My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
