matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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