Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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