I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
