I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
