I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
