Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
