just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
