I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
