I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
