As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
