I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
