she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
