Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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