so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
