if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tell her she can't have a vagina
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
