Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
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