Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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