I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Randomize