you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
