come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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