This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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