Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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