Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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