Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
