but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
