Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize