hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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