there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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