I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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