Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Randomize
