o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
