I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
