considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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