awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
