Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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