I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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