I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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