Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
