bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
