I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
