I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
