I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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