TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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