And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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