dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
