Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize