turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
why do cheetos always look like penises
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
