gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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