Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
