No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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