omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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