i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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