The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
