after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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