Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You work out of a Hotel?
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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