She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
