You're so nebulous sometimes
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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