And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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