put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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