Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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