Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
