it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
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