this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
