shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
