I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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