look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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