just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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