tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
