well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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