just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
