check it out our google latitudes are spooning
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
