this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
