When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize