I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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