I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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