Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
