Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
