is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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