I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
