that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Help. Why am I so naked?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
