I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
