end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
