Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
