I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Bring me that man meat
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
