He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
