Don't make out with my wife yet
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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