Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Randomize
