i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
