what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
