I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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