That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
